I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Randomize
