Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
