The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
