How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Randomize
