We're facebook friends in real life
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
