grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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