He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
