"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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