I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
