She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
