He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
