Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
