With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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