I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
