Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
