you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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