yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Found the puke drawer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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