I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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