I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
