I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
