I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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