so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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