First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
