Having a random hookup so left but love u
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
