Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
