He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
