i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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