he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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