i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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