3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
