Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
