I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
