I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
