This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
