Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
