The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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