I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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