some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
