Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
