Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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