Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
