so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
