About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
