somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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