Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
