I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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