I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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