Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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