I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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