The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
