Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
