dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
