Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
