I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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